Fact Keeper or Truth Seeker? Part 1

Love is wonderful yet terrible thing.  If you have ever been hurt by someone then you can understand that statement.  Before meeting my husband I had the Devil’s brother for a boyfriend [soon to be husband] or so I had thought.

I met someone who I was certain was sent by God.  Man, we were in love but now I reminisce and realize we were actually “in lust”. Lol.  Anyway, it never ended so well as I found out that this guy graduated Magna cum laude from “The School For Compulsive Liars”.   The relationship that started out as a simple friendship ended in brokenness and tears.

I decided I did not want anybody in my life after all I underwent. Seriously being rejected by my church and friends due this relationship. I had so much pent up pain, hurt and regrets inside of me that I could not function within my destiny.  Felt like the entire world had turned against me.  I would leave work late in the nights and leave for work early so I never had the chance to encounter anyone. I eventually had to leave my church to go to an unknown church that God had shown and sent me and that’s where I was healed and delivered so that my life could go on purposefully.  That took almost a year and just when I was comfortably thankful in this new church family and was being drafted to sing on the worship team [which was a huge deal] and do other stuff within that church, the Lord told me it was time to return to my old church to “forgive and mend the shattered past I had left there”. I thought to myself  “Just kill me Jesus rather than sentencing me to such cruelty”.  You cannot begin to imagine how difficult that was for me to return after the way they had treated me. Good Lord!  I tarried for weeks. I DID NOT WANT TO RETURN – I WAS TOTALLY BITTER AGAINST THEM.

You need to understand the public humiliation and disgrace they caused in my life. Let me give you one scenario:  While I was dating the guy the then pastor, went on the podium just before public service was closed and just announced “Well, today we will choose a new youth leader, Family Life Ministry secretary and Choir leader”  Those were all positions I held within the church. Just like that.  Nobody had called me in a private meeting to brief me that this was going to be done and so tell me to be prepared or something like that. My church family began looking at me some nodding approvingly, while others clapped and some just stared at me and laughed while the visitors were wondering what in earth is happening.  Then the gossiping and pointing of finger in my direction began. You see, they all believed my behaviour with this guy was inappropriate and so I should be relieved of those positions and that is the procedure that the process took. Smile, Amazing.  Funny thing is, it so happened that the guy’s car broke down at my gate after a date and was there for a while since the part that he needed to fix it, he did not get and was told he had to wait for at least 3 days before it would arrive. He said a wrecking service would be too expensive (which is honestly true) so he parked it in my yard and left it there. In reality the part actually took a whole week so He was not at my house but his car was in my yard. My mom was away on vacation and so only my friend (who is 10 years my senior) and I were home. You could see how the wrong conclusions could have been drawn. Easily!

Albeit nobody bothered to even ask me what was going on.  I made sure the guy never even visited during this time nor did we go out together, fearing someone would see and have more ammunition with which to shoot me.  That didn’t matter.  I was coffined for that act of foolishness [allowing his car to be left there for such a long time] and buried for unrighteousness and immorality – of course.

You know, I have learnt a lot from my experiences in life, negative and positive alike.  One of the greatest  is “things are not always as they appear to be”.  Watching movies like, CSI, Law and Order also NCIS have taught me that too.  Sometimes, even when the apparent evidence tells one story, the truth is always usually hidden below the surface.

The same applies to God’s word – The Bible. I have come to realize that many people read the bible but never actually “RE-EE-AD THE BIBLE”.  God’s truth/ revelation is usually hidden beneath the surface of the words. It has to be unveiled and revealed. That comes through a deep searching for Him not just the facts or evidences of what was read. So you can have people who know their bible in verbatim but don’t believe in the Author of the bible.  They have no revelation of the truth because they never left the surface to find the Truth-Teller. So they make their own deductions and judgments simply off facts and not truth. Fact is never the best place to stop.  Seek the truth. Jesus is the Way to truth while being Truth in and of himself.  That’s awesome!  So when you find Him, you’ve literally found it all.

Let me encourage you today to get deeper into whatever venture you are involved. Push yourself. There is a level greater than fact.  It’s called truth. Remember, things are not always as they appear to be. So tell me are you a truth seeker or a fact keeper?

Poison for Breakfast – part 1

I watched an incident some time ago that fascinated me about the wills of humans.  I was ministering in a service and the Lord began to move in the hearts of the people there.  It was really warming to my very bones to know that the love of Jesus can truly transform the hearts and minds of even the vilest of persons.  It’s powerful.  Real powerful!

Just before the service ended, a lady walked up to me filled with tears and they were streaming down her face. She said “Pastor, you know a lady in here and I are not talking.  We are in malice but I really want to put it right with her today.  I do not want us to leave this service still in malice.  Can I call her over here and you pray with us and help us to set everything straight? I smiled and said “sure”.  Both persons were already at the altar since they had responded to the invitation for prayer that I had given.

She walked over to the other lady, touched her and whispered something in her ear.  The lady shrugged her hands off her shoulder and reluctantly walked over with her towards me.  I didn’t inquire what the issue was that had caused them to be in the malice in the first place but I asked them both if they feel they were able to put behind them whatever it was and move on from there.  The first lady crying so much that she could hardly stand, responded “yes pastor”.  The other lady did not respond.  So I asked her personally, she muttered under her breath but I did not hear her reply.  I asked again. This time she gave a distressed, apathetic, indifferent “uh hmmm”.  I realized that she was lying but I had other people to minister to so I didn’t spend much time on her.  I began to pray.  I held both their hands and prayed that God’s love would bind them together, enact total forgiveness and so on.

She looked so uncomfortable. It was amazing to see such display right before my eyes. I should interject to say they were both Christians. [smile - SMH]  Anyway, the Lord opened up her heart to me and I began to discern her thoughts.  She was insistent that she would not forgive this lady no matter what she or I did or said.  I felt so sad for her.  She had allowed the root of bitterness to take a whole of her and it gripped her so tight that the pain of the incident totally took precedence over her need to forgive and be free.  She thought to herself that the lady did not deserve her forgiveness after all that she did to her.  I looked at her and said “You really need to forgive her for the wrongs she did to you.  It’s not worth it to keep killing yourself with hatred and unforgiveness”.  She half-heartedly looked at me as if to say “You can talk all you want.  You know nothing.  I am the one who is hurting”.  She held down her head then walked off.  She went back to the place she was standing at the altar while I ministered to the other persons.

When I was finished, I walked through the back rostrum entrance to go to the pastor’s office.  It so happened as I was crossing the passage I saw her talking to someone. Her remarks were: “She can go on with her long eye water and tears.  If the pastor did really know what she did to me, she would’ve NEVER asked me to forgive her.  She can fool the pastor with her “everlasting cow-bawling” [Jamaican patios for many tears].  She cannot fool me and me NOT forgiving her!”  She hissed her teeth and walked off.  She didn’t see me but I saw and heard her.

I smiled and thought what a hard hearted woman who is supposed to be a child of God.  Imagine if Jesus was to say that about us.  Look at how many times even in one day that we hurt and cause him much pain.  Our language, actions, thoughts, behavior, attitude…. A mean the list is endless.  He loves us so much that He forgives us immediately, as soon as we ask.  Why wouldn’t we even try to do the same?  I know some hurts are painful; a mean just awful.  It may even take a while but I know if forgiving is truly what you want to do then Jesus will give you the enabling power to do so. HE TRULY WILL.

I speak from personal experience that after you forgive someone, you’ll find out that he person who needed freedom wasn’t them at all but you. Oh boy, do I know that well.  Have you ever noticed that when you “don’t like a person” you never stop seeing them? Seriously, everywhere you go they are there.  Geez!  So all it does is get your blood boiling and the painful memories keep reliving like a wretched horror movie on auto play. Good Lord!  I once heard Joyce Meyer say “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies”.  I have realized that statement is as true as truth gets.  Just forgive.  Its hard but rewarding if you want peace of mind, stability and a stress free life. So tell me, when was the last time you had poison for breakfast, lunch or dinner?

Mask of Christ

Today I feel so sad.  I am not sad because of any personal issues or stuff like that.  I am totally sad because I realise people really don’t care for their fellow human beings as they ought to and its real heart-breaking. My ministry Divine Restoration Ministry http://www.divinerestorationmin.org/  has embarked on an adventure to supply two separate children’s homes this month with supplies of food, clothing, cosmetics and stuff like that.  Its an adventure we really want to undertake for our Child’s Month Outreach in this month of May.

Fascinatingly, many of the persons we have asked for donations of whatever they have, no matter how small or the type, cause us to feel like we have to be kissing up to them to help the less fortunate.  I watch some of these same persons well-dressed and well-put together seemingly pay so much attention to anything that relates to their immediate gratification  and they refuse to even have a sympathetic heart for the impoverished and unfortunate.  I am glad there has never been any kind of indiscretion of any sort in our ministry for people to say “we can’t give our money and stuff here because of ….”  We are totally free of that therefore it cannot be that their reluctance or refusal stems from any supported case of indiscretion.

I imagine what it would be like to be orphaned in these homes and it breaks my heart to know that people really only care for themselves and their families and to H#@L with every one else.  It makes me cry.  Honestly. Some of the children in these homes have little or nothing and survive on donations from other ministries, churches, organizations including the government.  Where is the true representation of our Jesus’ love when we operate in this manner? Jesus has such a heart for the poor.  Everywhere in scriptures He consistently tells us to care for the orphans and widows. He says He will be a Father to them and preserve them [Jer. 49:11]   When I ponder how selfish the religious society  can be it makes me wonder what kind of heart we really have and how can the love of Jesus turn all the stony hearts to fleshy hearts. [Long Sigh - SMH]

Many Christians love to criticize non-Christians about their lifestyles but I have found that even in my everyday interactions that the non-Christians are many times more willing to give of themselves, time, money and other resources to help those who are in need than those of us who profess Christianity and parade our humongous crosses around our necks.  No wonder some of them are blessed and some in the church are poor, broken, busted, disgusted and depressed.  God increases and blesses the giver – Saved or Unsaved.  If you sow, you shall reap! Its a Law that cannot be broken – like the law of Gravity.

Seriously, who are we trying to con? Must be ourselves.  We can fool people for only so long.  One day our charades will stop and people will see the true us emerging and they will know all along we had a mask of Christ but never knew Him at all.  It’s time for us to STOP IT.  For the love of JESUS and all that He has done for us – LET US STOP IT! Take the Mask off.  Will the real Child of God Please Stand Up?