All He Desires.

ok…  so vacation is over and it was super great.  Refreshing and wonderful.  Jesus surely knows how to refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. smile.

However, now I am in a tussle with God about something.  Writing.   Writing??  Yes, writing – a book.

God keeps telling me to write this book that I don’t want to write because of what happened a few years ago with the first one I wrote. He told me to write the previous one and I was surely possessed by a “writing spirit” because I wrote the entire book in about two weeks. I am a writer point blank of songs, poems, stories you name it. I’m always writing but because he told me to do that one in particular, inspired me, gave me the name and everything I thought for sure it’s one that would be quickly published and be a best seller in no time.   So with that book, I wrote day and night. In the shower, in the kitchen, in the car, on the road… whew, it was crazy awesome.  Words wouldn’t stopped coming.  In bed, in the bank, in my sleep, when I ate – good Lord! I am telling you I wrote the entire two hundred and whatnot pages in two weeks.  TWO WEEKS!!!

I was so sure, God would send me an editor, arrange a publisher and you know make some divine connections and by now BAM! my book would be out there. Whaa-whaaaa… Nothing. I fasted and prayed and  everything…still nothing.  I can’t find US$7000 to get it published and whatnot so I just believed God was gonna do something supernatural to get it done.  Psshhh.  Nothing!  I did all I could to get it edited by qualified persons and then tried to have it self-published at a lower cost, still nothing worked.

So it’s now sitting on my shelf raw and untamed. Sigh.  Now I hear God telling me to write another one.  I really don’t want to do it. Seriously.

So I began arguing with Him again about it this morning. I told Him, I really didn’t want to, but I will obey, simply because he keeps “bugging” me about it.

Me: “God, I really don’t want to do it” Face screwed up in a knot “I just believe You’re gonna allow me to write it and then have it placed on my book case like decoration like what happened with the first one.  Its been there almost 5 years now”. I whined while shaking my head.

Him: “I only asked you to write. I never told you it would be published right away.  Did I?”

Me all defensive: “No, but, but, why write a book and leave it there for no one to see it, read it or be affected by what’s inside? That’s ridiculous and unnecessary” I retorted while pouting strongly.

Him: “Obedience to My instruction is better that understanding them. I would much rather a kicking screaming obedient child than a content rebellious one.  See,  if I ask you to push against a large rock that’s all I expect. Just push. You might think that the rock will move and even get upset when it doesn’t while I never said it would move.  I simply asked you to push it.  My intention is probably to get you to build muscles not move the rock.  After pushing for a while you may get frustrated and aggravated when the object refuses to move, all the time not noticing that although it isn’t moving an inch, on the other hand, you are.  You’re arms and leg muscles have gotten stronger, larger and more powerful but you failed to notice, because you had preconceived notions concerning why I told you to push the rock”.

I was outsmarted, outwitted and outdone – as usual!  Long sigh.

Me: “Well, humph….”  twisted eyebrows, breaking voice and melting heart. “How was I supposed to know that?”

He smiled and in a tone of voice as cool, calm and collected as ever, he gently answered: “It’s ok my love.   Just trust me. All things you need to know, you’ll know in due time”

Me feeling much humbled and worst – loved, by His sweet response whispered: “ok Daddy. Ah… I’ll try to just listen and follow without having my own ideas of what you want or intend. Sigh.  That’ really kinda hard knowing the kind of person I am, [moaned sigh] but I’ll try”.

Him: “That’s all I desire”

My friend, that is all Jesus desires…. that we do our best to love Him enough to simply obey Him. 

1 Samuel 15: 22-23 “Do you think all God wants are sacrifices— empty rituals just for show?  He wants you to listen to him! Plain listening is the thing…. Not doing what God tells you  is far worse than fooling around in the occult…”   [Message Bible]

Fact Keeper or Truth Seeker? Part 1

Love is wonderful yet terrible thing.  If you have ever been hurt by someone then you can understand that statement.  Before meeting my husband I had the Devil’s brother for a boyfriend [soon to be husband] or so I had thought.

I met someone who I was certain was sent by God.  Man, we were in love but now I reminisce and realize we were actually “in lust”. Lol.  Anyway, it never ended so well as I found out that this guy graduated Magna cum laude from “The School For Compulsive Liars”.   The relationship that started out as a simple friendship ended in brokenness and tears.

I decided I did not want anybody in my life after all I underwent. Seriously being rejected by my church and friends due this relationship. I had so much pent up pain, hurt and regrets inside of me that I could not function within my destiny.  Felt like the entire world had turned against me.  I would leave work late in the nights and leave for work early so I never had the chance to encounter anyone. I eventually had to leave my church to go to an unknown church that God had shown and sent me and that’s where I was healed and delivered so that my life could go on purposefully.  That took almost a year and just when I was comfortably thankful in this new church family and was being drafted to sing on the worship team [which was a huge deal] and do other stuff within that church, the Lord told me it was time to return to my old church to “forgive and mend the shattered past I had left there”. I thought to myself  “Just kill me Jesus rather than sentencing me to such cruelty”.  You cannot begin to imagine how difficult that was for me to return after the way they had treated me. Good Lord!  I tarried for weeks. I DID NOT WANT TO RETURN – I WAS TOTALLY BITTER AGAINST THEM.

You need to understand the public humiliation and disgrace they caused in my life. Let me give you one scenario:  While I was dating the guy the then pastor, went on the podium just before public service was closed and just announced “Well, today we will choose a new youth leader, Family Life Ministry secretary and Choir leader”  Those were all positions I held within the church. Just like that.  Nobody had called me in a private meeting to brief me that this was going to be done and so tell me to be prepared or something like that. My church family began looking at me some nodding approvingly, while others clapped and some just stared at me and laughed while the visitors were wondering what in earth is happening.  Then the gossiping and pointing of finger in my direction began. You see, they all believed my behaviour with this guy was inappropriate and so I should be relieved of those positions and that is the procedure that the process took. Smile, Amazing.  Funny thing is, it so happened that the guy’s car broke down at my gate after a date and was there for a while since the part that he needed to fix it, he did not get and was told he had to wait for at least 3 days before it would arrive. He said a wrecking service would be too expensive (which is honestly true) so he parked it in my yard and left it there. In reality the part actually took a whole week so He was not at my house but his car was in my yard. My mom was away on vacation and so only my friend (who is 10 years my senior) and I were home. You could see how the wrong conclusions could have been drawn. Easily!

Albeit nobody bothered to even ask me what was going on.  I made sure the guy never even visited during this time nor did we go out together, fearing someone would see and have more ammunition with which to shoot me.  That didn’t matter.  I was coffined for that act of foolishness [allowing his car to be left there for such a long time] and buried for unrighteousness and immorality – of course.

You know, I have learnt a lot from my experiences in life, negative and positive alike.  One of the greatest  is “things are not always as they appear to be”.  Watching movies like, CSI, Law and Order also NCIS have taught me that too.  Sometimes, even when the apparent evidence tells one story, the truth is always usually hidden below the surface.

The same applies to God’s word – The Bible. I have come to realize that many people read the bible but never actually “RE-EE-AD THE BIBLE”.  God’s truth/ revelation is usually hidden beneath the surface of the words. It has to be unveiled and revealed. That comes through a deep searching for Him not just the facts or evidences of what was read. So you can have people who know their bible in verbatim but don’t believe in the Author of the bible.  They have no revelation of the truth because they never left the surface to find the Truth-Teller. So they make their own deductions and judgments simply off facts and not truth. Fact is never the best place to stop.  Seek the truth. Jesus is the Way to truth while being Truth in and of himself.  That’s awesome!  So when you find Him, you’ve literally found it all.

Let me encourage you today to get deeper into whatever venture you are involved. Push yourself. There is a level greater than fact.  It’s called truth. Remember, things are not always as they appear to be. So tell me are you a truth seeker or a fact keeper?

*Enjoy It*

Yesterday, we brought my mom and aunt to their annual 1 week vacation. Auntie looks forward to this because Canada is so cold, she anticipates very much just coming to relax in the warm island sun and chill with its  people.  This year they decided to return to the all – inclusive RIU Ocho Rios, here in the tropical Caribbean paradise called Jamaica.  The hotel is truly something with beautiful white sandy beach, various restaurants with which to choose your favourite foods, pools, spa, you name it.  [It is gorgeously grande].  As we passed through security to drop them off,  we decided that while they register, we would just browse and envy what they will be enjoying for the next 7 nights and eight days.  

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Posing off at the RIU Ocho Rios – Jamaica

 The facility is simply breathtaking.  There is 24 hour food available at no extra cost because it was all paid for in the booking, 24 hour swimming, 24 hour drink/juice available, jacuzzi, room service, water sports, pool games, nightly entertainment…everything you can think of to make your vacation worth the price, is there all at your disposal. [awesome].  The heart aching thing was, although all of this was right in my reach I had no wristband therefore no legal access to it because, I did not pay for anything. Mommy and Auntie with their wristbands, could go in and have anything their little hearts desired [and they did] but we could not.  Although they were famished, they were kind enough however to share with us a little taste, that just wet our appetites and cranked up our jealousy a bit. [mmmm, shaking head].  They had it all because it was paid for and all they had to do now was to enjoy it. 

Then it got me thinking.  This is exactly what is happening here on the earth.  Jesus went to the cross and died a brutal death to pay for everything our hearts could ever desire but many persons are living lives of  empty nothingness and they refuse to just go in and enjoy it.  The reservation is already done through the blood of Jesus yet we fail to simply go in pass security, register, get our spiritual wristbands {citizenship/anointing /power} and enjoy the kingdom life.  After much deliberation I have figured out the problem.  Its two things: Many people are unable to go in because they have no reservation {Salvation}, therefore no legal right and so heaven’s security has no record of them at all.  At the main gate when they asked us our reason for entering the property, we had to tell them: “We are dropping off guests”. “What is the name of the guest?” they asked, “The reservation is under Pamela Person”** we answered.  Then they checked, found it, signed us off and wished us a pleasant stay.  There were no problems entering the premises because there was legal right due to the reservation.  What about you? Would heaven’s security have a reservation for you if they were to check right now?  Are you a citizen of the kingdom of God?  “That is why you are no longer foreigners and outsiders but citizens together with God’s people and members of God’s family.” Ephesians 2:19 – GWB 

Then the other issue is: Our own limitation. {Complacency} You see even though we went on the property with them, we still had no legal access to the luxuries of the hotel like they had. We got a little taste of the food and drink but really that’s about it.  We had limits because we were not guests.  It is a similar representation of those of us who are citizens of the kingdom but are not living the kingdom lifestyle. We have a shifty, flaky, shaky, quakey relationship with Jesus.  We do “Taste and see that the LORD is good…” Psalms 34:8 – KJV but that’s all we do and have ever done.  We sit relax and comfortable living apathetic, complacent, mediocre Kingdom lives therefore we become limited to all that is available to us in Jesus even though it is right in our reach, totally accessible, and fully paid for by Jesus himself.  [Que lastima - what a pity].   Tell me honestly, if you could have the choice [and by the way, you do] wouldn’t you rather know that you are capitalizing on ALL that’s available to you through Jesus despite the cost?  C’mon now gird up yourself and make the choice that no matter what it takes, today will be the day you start to live the kingdom life as you ought to be.  Make a conscious decision right now that: As of this moment no matter what it takes, I am simply going to just Enjoy it!  

*Pamela Person is a fake name.  

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