% I Give Up! %

Many people claim they want to be like Jesus.  There is nothing wrong with that.  The issue that raises a flag for me is the fact that Jesus learnt to surrender His will to the will of His father.  So if we want to be like Him that is first thing that you will have to do: surrender your will to Him.  

Personally, I had a hard time with this word myself and it was quite a hurdle to overcome.  I was grown in a female  dominated environment (mom and grandmother) and the word surrender and submission was not entrenched in my vocabulary at all.  Being an only child I was grown for the most part with my mom alone.  By the time my grandmother died, I was the male in my home as all decisions came through me before they were finally approved.  If I did not approve most times that would be the end of the story.  Rarely would my mom disagree with me about anything – home wise. I would take care of all the more ‘male-dominating’ chores like fixtures in the house and things like that, while mom did most of the domestic stuff.  It was just like that – everything.  I kind of loved it and for me that was normal living.  My mom indoctrinated me about being strong, confident, successful, independent and by all means never find myself in a position where I have to rely on or submit to any man. (This became a major hurdle later on when I got married)  She was terribly hurt by my father (whose idea of biblical submission was to instill fear, be verbally abusive and manipulation) and this caused her mentality and thoughts about submission, surrender or any word that even insinuate such to be seriously marred.  So growing up in an environment with a mom who was so viciously wounded and who had so much emotional scars you can understand how much this affected my own formation of thought patterns about submitting or surrendering to anyone: specifically men which by extension of course includes – God.  I will not yield! That was sort of my sub-conscious motto.  

 This hidden parasitic motto in my earlier years with Christ was really the key to my greatest defeat being a Christian as it was quite hard when approaching God to ask for anything or to trust Him for anything.  While my mom (who thought she was doing right by trying to protect her only child from the pains and heartaches she experienced) by no means told me to be independent of God, my understanding and idea of independence was taken to that extreme.  Even concerning salvation, I did not necessarily see myself being saved as one who ‘surrendered’ to Christ.  It was more like simply choosing to serve God in order to go to heaven not realizing that before time He already chose me.  (Man, I was really messed up). My precious mom would have never known the damage that it was causing me at all.  It really did. Let me give you an example to further explain what I mean.  

 When I was seeking for the baptism of the Holy Spirit it became a drag, painstaking task and I was really frustrated.  The older folks would tell me that I needed to ‘…yield and surrender to God’. What? I have to do what?  That’s Crazy!  It was almost like an insult but the sad part was truly I had no idea how to do it. After realizing that I really needed to try some form of selfless act (like pure obedience) in order to ‘get God’s attention’ I decided to give it a shot. Being crushed and broken in spirit  I then began to earnestly talk to God about what it means to yield and surrender to Him.  I hated the word and even the very thought made me shriek and ache on the inside.  It was hard for me because worst of all I truly did not know how to surrender.  Nevertheless I sincerely love God with all of my heart and wanted to please Him so I asked Him to help me and he did. He’s so awesome.  

 Surrendering does not mean passivity, laziness nor is it an excuse and reason to become apathetic or indifferent.  It is quite the contrary.  It simply means sacrificing whatever it takes to become a better person – including yourself.  It implies the willingness to become pliable enough to be shaped into something better than before by giving God the go-ahead to do whatever is necessary. It is being clay in the Great Potters hands.  

Many persons hate the word ‘surrender’ because they feel it implies weakness, manipulative submissiveness, releasing or giving up that which they would want to hold dear to their hearts i.e. the loss of a life sustaining and much needed keepsake. Most times it is seen in a negative light as it speaks of losing (no one likes to lose) and letting go of that which we feel is meaningful to us. The fact is that many times these things that we would rather die for really are not good for us. Sometimes they are actually dead weight that can easily set us back and keep us from progressing in God  

 I remember when the process of surrender began to really wear me out.  I was physically tired, mentally frustrated, spiritually drained and just overall upset and angry with God because it was so hard for me.  I was stubborn, very strong willed and wanted my own way and yielding to God was quite agonizing. At these points in my journey with Him I did a lot of fasting and praying and spending time in the word trying to figure out if all I was going through was normal and even necessary. It just felt like I would never get to that point where He wanted me to be. I felt like I was dying on the inside (a necessary part of the process might I add).  I was hurting and aching within and it was just awful.  I remember being bluntly honest and crying once at my lowest point in the process of learning to surrender and saying to Him “God if you knew I was going to have to make all these changes, these heavy, hardcore, harsh adjustments why did You make me this way?  Why did you fashion me to be this stubborn and determined?  I do not understand. If you say you want my uniqueness, my features, my characteristics because they are all useful how comes you want to make me over and change all of me? I feel like the me that I know is disappearing and this new person you are trying to create is not me at all?  Why did you make me into this person if this was not the person you wanted to use?”  He was so tender in His response. He simply said to me. “Not so my child. All I want is to make a better you, not to take the old you away but to turn the old you into a new and better you”Isn’t that just the ultimate picture of love and compassion? He is so awesome.  

All God wants is for us to give ourselves totally to Him. Look at this beautiful scripture which speaks of surrendering to God.  It says “Give yourselves to God… Surrender your being to Him to be used for righteous purposes”. Romans 6:13 (TEV.)  That is all He wants to do – allow you to fulfill your innate purpose.  He placed it there and He simply wants to bring it out in you – His way because believe me His way is the best and He does know best.  God also wants us to understand that when we give up anything or anyone for His glory He restores us and many times twice over or better than what we had before.  He says “…Today I tell you that I will return to you double {blessings}”. Zech. 9:12 (GW).  What does this mean?  Simply, that He is a restoring God and no matter how good it was when you gave it up for him, He will give you better than what you had before.  


Excerpt from “Destined For Greatness”   by yours truly  

Copyright © 2010



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