I had a fun childhood I would say. I am an only child and so I was always in the company of adults. My mom would always carry me around [like a handbag] with her everywhere she went. I had lots a fun. However all of this came to a screeching halt after entering high school. Coming out of my neighbourhood where everybody was one, there was no differentiation between skin colour and minor trivialities of that nature. Upon entering high school I realized I was in a total different world where prejudice was the norm and discrimination was a lifestyle. This was the first time I was extremely conscious of the fact that I was Black. Due to this, I developed a really low self-esteem. To add to the prejudice within the school, the neighbouring school [an all-boys school] would lay wait the girls who walked to the bus stop [I went to an all-girls school] and grade them [out loud] on looks, colour, figure and stuff like that. I would be so fearful when the bell rings for us to go home, because I know there is a section of the roadway where they locate and they would always tease me about my skin colour [and I used to walk with with an half-white girl] and it made me feel horrible about myself.
Thankfully they never had negatives about anything except my skin colour but that alone was enough. Sometimes they would comment “She looks nice but too black”. [It would really hurt] It went on to get so bad that I decided to buy certain chemicals to bleach my skin colour so I would become fair like most of the girls at school. The day I decided to do so, I was quite scared but had convinced myself and cemented in my mind that it was the “right” thing to do so I could live peacefully and enjoy my teen years in school. I thought to myself : “just think, in a few months you can look like them. Sure the process will be painful but so many persons are doing it. You would not be the first and you certainly will not be the last”.
So I entered the drug with timidity. I looked around to see if there was anyone who knew me because I was still a Christian and it would look really awful and began an instant gossip, if I was noticed by anyone I knew. Realizing that I was not acquainted with anyone, I geared up myself to proceed. I was just about to order when a lady walked in the store all loud and rambunctious. I turned to look at her and saw the most unsightly image. She was obviously bleaching her skin and it went ALL wrong. Now she was pink and black and yellowish [literally]. I nearly fainted. Just then the Holy Spirit said to me: “Is that how you wish to look my child?” I was baffled. The attendant asked: “Miss what do you need?” I was speechless. She repeated: “Hello, do you need something?” I looked at her and shook my head from side to side: “No..no… thanks. I don’t need anything at all. Thank you”. I stepped out of the line and stood beside the door dumbfounded. “What was I thinking?” I asked myself and tears began to fill my eyes. I walked out of the drug store that day thanking God for saving me from making the biggest mistake I would have ever made up to that time. By the time I hit the 10th grade, many more blacks had entered the school and so the prejudices had subsided a bit and my final two years were not as torturous and tormenting as the first two. It did not totally stop but at least it cooled down to the point where it could be ignored and hence endured.
A few months after leaving high school, I attended service at a particular church when in the middle of the worship, a lady who was unfamiliar to me at time began to pray and speak in tongues. As I worshiped, I heard her coming closer to me until she stopped right by my seat. She laid her hands on me and began to prophesy over me. In the midst of it I heard her say: “Lord, she does not love herself at all but Father, I pray that You will change that and allow her to see herself through your eyes in Jesus’ name”. I tell you friend, by the time I got home that night and looked in the mirror, it was like I saw myself for the first time in 18 years. I realized I was beautiful and so was my colour. My slender frame was perfect, my figure was curvaceous and I was all around wonderfully crafted into a masterpiece. [glory to Jesus]. I never saw myself the same again and my low-self esteem was replaced with a healthy one that magnifies God for his handiwork in my life.
All of us have idiosyncrasies and quirks about ourselves that we just do not like, but we must always remember that God was not asleep when he created us. He knows and does all things well. I do not know what may be bugging you, about you today. Listen, come to terms with it. Make peace with it. Love and cherish it because He made you just right. Even if you may be lame in any way, He is whole and your true wholeness comes from him not necessarily your physical appearance. Remember today:
“We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago”. Eph. 2:10 NLT
Don’t be dismayed about how you look because in Jesus’ eyes you are marvelous, beautiful and wonderful. He knows every inch of your body and loves you just the way He made you.
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made…what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day”. Psalms. 139:13-16 Msg.
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