Have you ever known that you were supposed to do something but you were completely fearful for one reason or another? I am so guilty. I tell you its amazing how fear can cripple us and leave us in disobedience to the will of God. I have always known that God has anointed me for warfare intercession but I truly did not like it. [Still don’t] I ran from it from the first couple of times I got involved and found out how difficult it was to do. [Lord have mercy]. I do not mind praying for people. I do it ALL the time. However to get deep into prayer in my private closet times with him, when he begins to reveal his mind and will for different persons who are ill, oppressed, depressed, bound and imprisoned – I did not like AT ALL. He would constantly reveal it to me in hopes that I would pray them out but I rarely do. Why? Its painful. It hurts – very much!
I feel what they feel and its not a nice feeling at all. [It truly hurts on the inside of my belly and body in general]. So when I am in prayer, by the time, I feel the intercession anointing begin to flow, honestly, I just quickly end the prayer. I know, I know its selfishness. I have no excuse. I am plain ‘ole selfish and you can truly criticize but thats easy to say when you do not feel the pains I feel. Several times, God whips my skin quite well for not wanting to go into deep intercession but I have run completely and stayed away as much as possible. Do you know though that no matter how much you run or how far you run, if you have a heart that truly wants to please God, He will chase after you? Oh Yes! What a loving, patient God.
Several times people have prophesied that I am supposed to be engaging in deep intercession. I usually hear and go “ah well, hmmm” . God finally caught up with me (so to speak). He went to my pastor and gave her a word for me where he outlined in details this area of my life that I am truly not fulfilling and how he had already made provision for me. [oh man] Well, with that my run was all over. On Sunday, it was a day of intercession, warfare and deliverance at church and my pastor worked me until I was engulfed in pain and drained dry. It was like a make-up for all the years I have been running. I prayed until I didn’t know what else to say. The Holy Spirit had to intercede and pray through me while I was interceding for all those who needed help. It was truly something. God is awesome.
After all that happened, I realized that if I honestly wanted to love God and give him all my heart then, I had to surrender this area of my life to him. It seemed like all was well until I realized that it wasn’t because I was refusing to honour God in this deed that he is requesting of me. I was thinking more of myself than of others and this was not right at all. Paul implores us to think of others before ourselves but I was not. I felt awful after I realized how selfish I had been for all these years. I guess in all honesty I was thinking of how terrified I was that the enemy would start to attack my family even more if I go into his territory to war for the lost and free the prisoners. I was allowing others to fail and fall because of my fears. I seemed to have forgottten that God has not given me a sipirt of fear and that he promises to protect me and all that concerns me as long as I am in his will. [tsk, tsk, tsk] So I finally did it. I told Him “Yes Lord!”
Friend, do not allow fear to stifle your ministry, goals, dreams, promises or desires. God has gifted you and he expects you to use these gifts to help others and glorify him. He will exalt you and bless the work of your hands when you begin to fulfill the destiny he has carved out for you before time even began. Forget about the enemy, forget about what people will think and say, forget about even your own self. Just do what he has assigned you – Just Go forth!
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