For some reason I seem to be stuck on the issue of friendship. The more I write, the more I realize what a precious commodity having a true friend really is in this day and age. Now I want to show you how letting go off the past into forgiveness can truly bring you the blessing you are praying to receive.
So picking up from a section of the post “The Friend Search Part 2”. The Lord told me to stay in Bible College even though I didn’t want to, since I found out that they only did intro to Psychology and not straight psychology. The worst thing about it is that the Lord also told me that I would meet my husband there. What? I was not necessarily enthused at that comment. I had just terminated an awful relationship that was filled with deceptions and lies and I was dealing with rejection from my church and all kinds of craziness which caused me to develop a new philosophy “MEN ARE EVIL AND AWFUL. THEY ARE LIARS AND DECEIVERS AND I WANT NONE OF THEM – EVER!” Therefore I was not amused hearing about meeting and finding a husband and whatnot in a place I did not even want to stay. *Sigh* Anyway after being in school, temporarily moving out of my mom’s home to a friend’s (because of the sore disappointment my relationship had caused her), over working on the job so I could bury my brokenness, being told to kill myself because of all the horror I was under going and an endless torment and torture of my head and heart, I met this young man in my second year of college who I was not interested in at all.
My first impression was that he was quite handsome but that was it. In my head he was not my kind of guy, furthermore I wanted no one so he was neither here nor there for me. Since I would ride with them to go home from school, he would mess with me constantly, asking me questions, nagging me and stuff. I was like “what the heck is wrong with this dude?” To know a little more about our strange romance check out the post “Fact keeper or truth seeker 2” .
When I finally decided to give him the time of day, it became increasingly difficult for us – well for him. I had being so deceived that I didn’t want to trust guys anymore. I secretly went through his phone a few times (but stopped after my distrust caused me to repeat a suspicious text and a great disagreement ensued). When he would tell me he’s at a particular place, I would have a severe time believing. Sometimes, I even pondered secretly going to the location, just to check if he was actually there. We lived miles from each other and that just amplified the complication of the whole dating process. I remember once he said to me: “why are you using your ex’s fat to fry my fish?” I didn’t see it as that. I was just careful. Truth be told, I just couldn’t believe he was as decent and honest as he appeared. As the days went by and we spoke I realized he was a very caring person. That I couldn’t deny. As we sat to enjoy ice cream he gently whispered: “You know all I want is for you to just have a little faith in me; a teeny weeny bit. I am not asking for much, just a little. If I fail after you do, then you can forget us all together”. He was so tender, kindhearted and sincere. Something broke in me that day and I agreed.
So little by little I cautiously began to trust him. To be honest, it was a challenging process. Everything in me was saying he’s a lying, little dirty &%#@ but God kept pressing on me to work with the process. Then in a most unexpected turn of events while intimately conversing with the Lord, He told me, this guy is the one he designed for me and will be my husband. “What? but he’s not my type. He’s sweet and all, but totally not my kind a guy” I retorted. You would think I would’ve learnt from what “my type” just put me through. For days, I objected and remonstrated greatly. Weeks later I went back to God about this matter. I got the same response: “he is your husband”. I was still hoping God was humoring me so a few weeks later I prayed again and again. I got the same answer again and again. It was hard to believe in this guy since the previous one was supposed to be a man of God (titles and all) but was unveiled to be a womanizing jerk. Albeit, as I looked deeper at him, I recognized he emitted what a true man of God should look like: gentle, kind, compassionate, truthful and seriously… GODLY! He became my friend. A great friend. I realized that as a friend he cared – about me. *wow* I really couldn’t believe that he did. So I slowly began to fall for him. That’s not true. I fell hard. Amazingly hard. I started to choose to forget about my past and all the nightmares I underwent with my ex.
Orlando not only became a real friend but two years later became my husband who loves me as Jesus loves the church. I chose to let go off my past into forgiveness and allowed my heart to love again. I realize its so hard to carry the burdens of time past. Yes it hurts and yes it’s unfair but it’s also cumbersome, oppressive, distasteful (to others) and really really weighty. It has the power to prevent progress, purpose and preferment.
No they don’t deserve it after all they did to you but Just Let Go! Forgive! Move on! You’ll find out all along the real prisoner was you.
Orlando allowed all my garbage to be the fertilizer for the growth and development of a wonderful friendship which ultimately led our thriving marriage. God answered the prayer of my heart for true friends. It took a while but He did. In this situation, it took me letting go off past hurts into forgiveness to manifest it. I remind you yet again: don’t reject anyone because a person’s thorns may be just what you need to unveil your own rose that is hidden inside of you.