ok… so vacation is over and it was super great. Refreshing and wonderful. Jesus surely knows how to refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. smile.
However, now I am in a tussle with God about something. Writing. Writing?? Yes, writing – a book.
God keeps telling me to write this book that I don’t want to write because of what happened a few years ago with the first one I wrote. He told me to write the previous one and I was surely possessed by a “writing spirit” because I wrote the entire book in about two weeks. I am a writer point blank of songs, poems, stories you name it. I’m always writing but because he told me to do that one in particular, inspired me, gave me the name and everything I thought for sure it’s one that would be quickly published and be a best seller in no time. So with that book, I wrote day and night. In the shower, in the kitchen, in the car, on the road… whew, it was crazy awesome. Words wouldn’t stopped coming. In bed, in the bank, in my sleep, when I ate – good Lord! I am telling you I wrote the entire two hundred and whatnot pages in two weeks. TWO WEEKS!!!
I was so sure, God would send me an editor, arrange a publisher and you know make some divine connections and by now BAM! my book would be out there. Whaa-whaaaa… Nothing. I fasted and prayed and everything…still nothing. I can’t find US$7000 to get it published and whatnot so I just believed God was gonna do something supernatural to get it done. Psshhh. Nothing! I did all I could to get it edited by qualified persons and then tried to have it self-published at a lower cost, still nothing worked.
So it’s now sitting on my shelf raw and untamed. Sigh. Now I hear God telling me to write another one. I really don’t want to do it. Seriously.
So I began arguing with Him again about it this morning. I told Him, I really didn’t want to, but I will obey, simply because he keeps “bugging” me about it.
Me: “God, I really don’t want to do it” Face screwed up in a knot “I just believe You’re gonna allow me to write it and then have it placed on my book case like decoration like what happened with the first one. Its been there almost 5 years now”. I whined while shaking my head.
Him: “I only asked you to write. I never told you it would be published right away. Did I?”
Me all defensive: “No, but, but, why write a book and leave it there for no one to see it, read it or be affected by what’s inside? That’s ridiculous and unnecessary” I retorted while pouting strongly.
Him: “Obedience to My instruction is better that understanding them. I would much rather a kicking screaming obedient child than a content rebellious one. See, if I ask you to push against a large rock that’s all I expect. Just push. You might think that the rock will move and even get upset when it doesn’t while I never said it would move. I simply asked you to push it. My intention is probably to get you to build muscles not move the rock. After pushing for a while you may get frustrated and aggravated when the object refuses to move, all the time not noticing that although it isn’t moving an inch, on the other hand, you are. You’re arms and leg muscles have gotten stronger, larger and more powerful but you failed to notice, because you had preconceived notions concerning why I told you to push the rock”.
I was outsmarted, outwitted and outdone – as usual! Long sigh.
Me: “Well, humph….” twisted eyebrows, breaking voice and melting heart. “How was I supposed to know that?”
He smiled and in a tone of voice as cool, calm and collected as ever, he gently answered: “It’s ok my love. Just trust me. All things you need to know, you’ll know in due time”
Me feeling much humbled and worst – loved, by His sweet response whispered: “ok Daddy. Ah… I’ll try to just listen and follow without having my own ideas of what you want or intend. Sigh. That’ really kinda hard knowing the kind of person I am, [moaned sigh] but I’ll try”.
Him: “That’s all I desire”
My friend, that is all Jesus desires…. that we do our best to love Him enough to simply obey Him.
1 Samuel 15: 22-23 “Do you think all God wants are sacrifices— empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to him! Plain listening is the thing…. Not doing what God tells you is far worse than fooling around in the occult…” [Message Bible]